Life and Death

I’ve been thinking about life and death lately. I think it is a little bit weird of thinking about death. I mean, I’m only 22, but I feel like, I’m going out of life, rather then getting it started. I was always thinking about marriage like it is the begging of the last part of my life, because after that, the only thing that comes, is raise children, and death. Working so I have money, to keep my family. I don’t know why, but a little bit marriage was a not so pleasant idea in the past. But now days, I find myself whishing to get married, to find a girl, I can trust that much, I marry her, and be with her, share my life with her. This thinking also triggered my ideas of death. Well, I’m not religious, so I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I find reincarnation a pleasant taught, but I don’t know the truth. Everybody tries to figure out, what is going to be after we die. I mean, if we assume that, we made of tree parts, the body, the mind, and the spirit or soul, there are several path where these ends up after our heart stopped beating. We know that our body is going to underground to rot or it is getting burned along with our mind. But the big question is the soul. Well this side of the question needs further examination.

First of all, let see, if there is really a part of us, what we call soul. I have double thoughts of that. One is yes, we do, and the other we don’t. If we do, I cannot understand that, how Is that possible, that it can take up so much pain. I mean, if our body, gets a lot of pain, it brakes, or bleeds, stops functioning properly. If we get a lot of stress, or head trauma, our mind gets damaged, we can have so many mental illnesses. What about the soul? No matter how much people hearts our feelings, it just keeps hurting, doesn’t goes into a shock, or coma, so we don’t feel the pain any more, like our body, or it doesn’t develops an other soul, so it can lock up all the pain, like our mind. It have no illnesses, no defense, nothing. We just can feel, there is something not right inside of us, but it has nothing to do to our body, or mind. So there has to be something else after all. This part I have to think more, but let’s assume we have a soul, and get back to the death question.

What happens to our soul after our body died. Does it dies with it? Or it can leave further without it? I say, let’s examine this question from a different view. Where all of our parts come from? We all know how our mind and body develops. But what about our soul? Is it existed before our body, and just occupied it, and doing so made it livable? This would rectify the reincarnation theory. Which is good, I would like to live more lives, see what brings the future.

What if our soul, is not existed before our body, but it is borne with it? Now Catholics would say, we got it from god. I don’t think so, but no matter right now. If it wasn’t before our body, then why would it be after that? In that case, after we died, everything is going just like before we was borne. When I was younger, I remember I didn’t wanted to die, because I thought being dead is boring, and I hate being bored. Now I know it won’t be boring, because I do not remember being bored before I was borne. The only thing, I don’t want to die right now is curiosity. I want to know, what would people think of me when I’m gone, and where the technology is developing after my death. I wish I could just hang around us a ghost and see everything. Now you probably asking, do I believe in ghosts? Well if I assume, that ghosts are the souls of dead people, and I think the soul dies with the body, I should say no. But I cannot know, that for sure, so I keep an open mind. I even can accept if heaven exist, I just not believe it does. But if somebody would come back from there and tell me it does, I would believe him/her.

These are the thoughts that occupies my mind lately. I think I will find out which one is true, when I get there. Until then I keep grinding my ideas about all, finding more reasons for and against of them. I will let you know if I came up some more thoughts.

Evil vs. Angel

People thinks I’m a jerk. They are probably right. I don’t want to seem nice for the most of the people. I’m enjoying to annoy them. It is fun, to make people angry, by outsmarting them, I’m not talking about being rude, or curse them out, just to say things that are not bad things, just hurts the ones, you say to. Like It wouldn’t do anything if I would say it to somebody else, but it does to that one, to find the week spot on them, and to make them angry, and make them said. It can be a lot of fun, and so much easier, then be nice.

Although, sometimes, it is necessary to be nice to some people. Like the girl I talked about. She thinks I’m nice, and there are a few other girls, who think I’m nice. I’m glad I still have the ability to make people believe that I’m nice. Sometimes I don’t know which one is the true me. I think the things you do more often are the ones that describes you. That means I’m not nice. But also, there are people, who does a lot of things a lot of times, but do one big thing, and that’s become the one that makes people to form an opinion of him.

Tonight, I’m in a camp. It is a camp that I have to do for the university. Practice. There a few other people here. One of them I conceder as my friend the rest are just colleges. They don’t really like me. If I am around, they want me to be somewhere else. But tonight they had a cooking, and now they are playing some game together. I didn’t feel like to participate to any of that. Already like five times, I got asked, what is wrong, why I’m not there. So what is this now? They don’t like but if I’m not there they are worried about me? I think they also just like to hate me. I give them somebody to blame, to be mad at all the time, this gives them a punch bag, they can ease there anger on me, so they can be nicer with others. I think, to be a jerk with somebody, or with a lot of body, to be the bad guy in the community is not only fun sometimes, but also necessary. Like in war: “A common enemy brings the arguing parties together.”

Sometimes it is a little bit said to be left out of some things because of this, but I other times, I just love to laugh in some bodies face, even if I also feel like crying about the thing that happened, or caused by me. Sometimes it is also good, when somebody that a little bit likes me more, invites me to somewhere I were left out, or just ask me how I feel about it.

All in all, being the bad guy, has it ups and downs. But just like being nice, it is needed by some.

Everything is in motion

I’m studying surveying. The whole point of my job is, to locate things accurately. But the first thing we learn, is that, there isn’t a fix point anywhere in the whole wide galaxy. It is hard to imagine isn’t it? Like, you can say your address, and everybody is going to find your house as long as it isn’t demolished. Well, in my job it is a little bit harder. We have coordinate systems, what we use to tell where the places are. The problem is, even these coordinate systems are based on an assumption, because everything is moving. Let’s go back to hat house. Examine it, what movements does it do.

The basic movements of a house are sinking and sliding. Let’s go farther. The ground that it is on is moving. It can rotate, sink, slide, raise, or others. The continent is also moving. The earth has more kind of moves, then what I can count on my hands. It is spinning around, rotating, tipping, orbiting. The solar system is also moving. It is moving closer to the Hercules constellation, and it is also orbiting around the axis of the Milky way. The Milky way is also moving.

See, everything is in motion. In a blink of the eye we are far far away from the spot from where we were before, without noticing it. There isn’t a single spot that you call fix spot. There isn’t not a even anything that we can refer too. I just said everything is moving. How we know that? We look out, and what we see is that, other planets are getting farther from us. So this is why we say that, we move faster than they are. Like you sit in a car. Everything is dark around you, you don’t feel anything. You look out the window, the only thing you see, as the lights of an other car, and they are getting farther from you. This is the only thing, that let you think you moving faster then the other car. What if there aren’t other car. You couldn’t even tell, that you move or not, and if you do, how fast you go. This is how we leave here in the galaxy. Always in motion, but never knowing where we headed or how fast are we going.

Civilization under water

The other night I had a weird dream. Weird, because it wasn’t related to anything that happened to me. You now dreams are usually related, to things that happened to you, or to movies you saw, or to your desires. Now this one, I can’t where to put it. A didn’t sleep to deep, and awakened often. Every time this happens, you start in a different dream. That night, first, It was like I was in a Counter Strike game. The only thing was I ways alone against a lot. Manly when I dream I see it as normally I see, he world, true my eyes. But sometimes, it is like another camera angle, I saw myself from outside, like in a movie. So this part of my dream was full of action, and chase. After I found a rifle, it was good. :) Well this wasn’t the weird dream. I often dream about being in war, any kind. But the next one. First I was in a house. I can’t remember what was it look like, or who I was with. I was walking around nothing special, but after a while I started to realize, something strange happens time to time. I somehow shifted into another reality. Always occurred when I closed a door, and only effected, those who were in the same room. I visited a few interesting reality. In one of them, went shopping with a dog, or at least some kind of animal were instructing me. But there was a weird system on shopping. Everybody had to sign up previously. Well we didn’t do that. So I got in trouble. They wanted to arrest me, but they had so many safety protocol, that while they were under alarm, I just walked right out without anybody noticing it. After that I was walking outside, and wandered to far from the shop maybe even shifted again. Dreams are fogy. So I saw that, I’m in a big city, which is almost completely under water. The water was muddy, and full of corps. It looked really hazardous. The ground that wasn’t under water, was covered by junk, and homeless people were lying all over the place. Somehow I got on a narrow line of junk. Both side there was water and I really didn’t wanted to fall into it. The junk beneath my feet start to break up, and floating apart. Then a corps looking body tried to grab me, I tried to avoid it and fell into the water. I tried to hold myself above by grabbing pile of floating junk. I was drifting around, but I couldn’t get back where I came from. It wasn’t scary, it was just disgusting. Well after this I woke up, so never found a solution.

Crazy huh?