Life and Death

I’ve been thinking about life and death lately. I think it is a little bit weird of thinking about death. I mean, I’m only 22, but I feel like, I’m going out of life, rather then getting it started. I was always thinking about marriage like it is the begging of the last part of my life, because after that, the only thing that comes, is raise children, and death. Working so I have money, to keep my family. I don’t know why, but a little bit marriage was a not so pleasant idea in the past. But now days, I find myself whishing to get married, to find a girl, I can trust that much, I marry her, and be with her, share my life with her. This thinking also triggered my ideas of death. Well, I’m not religious, so I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I find reincarnation a pleasant taught, but I don’t know the truth. Everybody tries to figure out, what is going to be after we die. I mean, if we assume that, we made of tree parts, the body, the mind, and the spirit or soul, there are several path where these ends up after our heart stopped beating. We know that our body is going to underground to rot or it is getting burned along with our mind. But the big question is the soul. Well this side of the question needs further examination.

First of all, let see, if there is really a part of us, what we call soul. I have double thoughts of that. One is yes, we do, and the other we don’t. If we do, I cannot understand that, how Is that possible, that it can take up so much pain. I mean, if our body, gets a lot of pain, it brakes, or bleeds, stops functioning properly. If we get a lot of stress, or head trauma, our mind gets damaged, we can have so many mental illnesses. What about the soul? No matter how much people hearts our feelings, it just keeps hurting, doesn’t goes into a shock, or coma, so we don’t feel the pain any more, like our body, or it doesn’t develops an other soul, so it can lock up all the pain, like our mind. It have no illnesses, no defense, nothing. We just can feel, there is something not right inside of us, but it has nothing to do to our body, or mind. So there has to be something else after all. This part I have to think more, but let’s assume we have a soul, and get back to the death question.

What happens to our soul after our body died. Does it dies with it? Or it can leave further without it? I say, let’s examine this question from a different view. Where all of our parts come from? We all know how our mind and body develops. But what about our soul? Is it existed before our body, and just occupied it, and doing so made it livable? This would rectify the reincarnation theory. Which is good, I would like to live more lives, see what brings the future.

What if our soul, is not existed before our body, but it is borne with it? Now Catholics would say, we got it from god. I don’t think so, but no matter right now. If it wasn’t before our body, then why would it be after that? In that case, after we died, everything is going just like before we was borne. When I was younger, I remember I didn’t wanted to die, because I thought being dead is boring, and I hate being bored. Now I know it won’t be boring, because I do not remember being bored before I was borne. The only thing, I don’t want to die right now is curiosity. I want to know, what would people think of me when I’m gone, and where the technology is developing after my death. I wish I could just hang around us a ghost and see everything. Now you probably asking, do I believe in ghosts? Well if I assume, that ghosts are the souls of dead people, and I think the soul dies with the body, I should say no. But I cannot know, that for sure, so I keep an open mind. I even can accept if heaven exist, I just not believe it does. But if somebody would come back from there and tell me it does, I would believe him/her.

These are the thoughts that occupies my mind lately. I think I will find out which one is true, when I get there. Until then I keep grinding my ideas about all, finding more reasons for and against of them. I will let you know if I came up some more thoughts.

Evil vs. Angel

People thinks I’m a jerk. They are probably right. I don’t want to seem nice for the most of the people. I’m enjoying to annoy them. It is fun, to make people angry, by outsmarting them, I’m not talking about being rude, or curse them out, just to say things that are not bad things, just hurts the ones, you say to. Like It wouldn’t do anything if I would say it to somebody else, but it does to that one, to find the week spot on them, and to make them angry, and make them said. It can be a lot of fun, and so much easier, then be nice.

Although, sometimes, it is necessary to be nice to some people. Like the girl I talked about. She thinks I’m nice, and there are a few other girls, who think I’m nice. I’m glad I still have the ability to make people believe that I’m nice. Sometimes I don’t know which one is the true me. I think the things you do more often are the ones that describes you. That means I’m not nice. But also, there are people, who does a lot of things a lot of times, but do one big thing, and that’s become the one that makes people to form an opinion of him.

Tonight, I’m in a camp. It is a camp that I have to do for the university. Practice. There a few other people here. One of them I conceder as my friend the rest are just colleges. They don’t really like me. If I am around, they want me to be somewhere else. But tonight they had a cooking, and now they are playing some game together. I didn’t feel like to participate to any of that. Already like five times, I got asked, what is wrong, why I’m not there. So what is this now? They don’t like but if I’m not there they are worried about me? I think they also just like to hate me. I give them somebody to blame, to be mad at all the time, this gives them a punch bag, they can ease there anger on me, so they can be nicer with others. I think, to be a jerk with somebody, or with a lot of body, to be the bad guy in the community is not only fun sometimes, but also necessary. Like in war: “A common enemy brings the arguing parties together.”

Sometimes it is a little bit said to be left out of some things because of this, but I other times, I just love to laugh in some bodies face, even if I also feel like crying about the thing that happened, or caused by me. Sometimes it is also good, when somebody that a little bit likes me more, invites me to somewhere I were left out, or just ask me how I feel about it.

All in all, being the bad guy, has it ups and downs. But just like being nice, it is needed by some.

Everything is in motion

I’m studying surveying. The whole point of my job is, to locate things accurately. But the first thing we learn, is that, there isn’t a fix point anywhere in the whole wide galaxy. It is hard to imagine isn’t it? Like, you can say your address, and everybody is going to find your house as long as it isn’t demolished. Well, in my job it is a little bit harder. We have coordinate systems, what we use to tell where the places are. The problem is, even these coordinate systems are based on an assumption, because everything is moving. Let’s go back to hat house. Examine it, what movements does it do.

The basic movements of a house are sinking and sliding. Let’s go farther. The ground that it is on is moving. It can rotate, sink, slide, raise, or others. The continent is also moving. The earth has more kind of moves, then what I can count on my hands. It is spinning around, rotating, tipping, orbiting. The solar system is also moving. It is moving closer to the Hercules constellation, and it is also orbiting around the axis of the Milky way. The Milky way is also moving.

See, everything is in motion. In a blink of the eye we are far far away from the spot from where we were before, without noticing it. There isn’t a single spot that you call fix spot. There isn’t not a even anything that we can refer too. I just said everything is moving. How we know that? We look out, and what we see is that, other planets are getting farther from us. So this is why we say that, we move faster than they are. Like you sit in a car. Everything is dark around you, you don’t feel anything. You look out the window, the only thing you see, as the lights of an other car, and they are getting farther from you. This is the only thing, that let you think you moving faster then the other car. What if there aren’t other car. You couldn’t even tell, that you move or not, and if you do, how fast you go. This is how we leave here in the galaxy. Always in motion, but never knowing where we headed or how fast are we going.

Civilization under water

The other night I had a weird dream. Weird, because it wasn’t related to anything that happened to me. You now dreams are usually related, to things that happened to you, or to movies you saw, or to your desires. Now this one, I can’t where to put it. A didn’t sleep to deep, and awakened often. Every time this happens, you start in a different dream. That night, first, It was like I was in a Counter Strike game. The only thing was I ways alone against a lot. Manly when I dream I see it as normally I see, he world, true my eyes. But sometimes, it is like another camera angle, I saw myself from outside, like in a movie. So this part of my dream was full of action, and chase. After I found a rifle, it was good. :) Well this wasn’t the weird dream. I often dream about being in war, any kind. But the next one. First I was in a house. I can’t remember what was it look like, or who I was with. I was walking around nothing special, but after a while I started to realize, something strange happens time to time. I somehow shifted into another reality. Always occurred when I closed a door, and only effected, those who were in the same room. I visited a few interesting reality. In one of them, went shopping with a dog, or at least some kind of animal were instructing me. But there was a weird system on shopping. Everybody had to sign up previously. Well we didn’t do that. So I got in trouble. They wanted to arrest me, but they had so many safety protocol, that while they were under alarm, I just walked right out without anybody noticing it. After that I was walking outside, and wandered to far from the shop maybe even shifted again. Dreams are fogy. So I saw that, I’m in a big city, which is almost completely under water. The water was muddy, and full of corps. It looked really hazardous. The ground that wasn’t under water, was covered by junk, and homeless people were lying all over the place. Somehow I got on a narrow line of junk. Both side there was water and I really didn’t wanted to fall into it. The junk beneath my feet start to break up, and floating apart. Then a corps looking body tried to grab me, I tried to avoid it and fell into the water. I tried to hold myself above by grabbing pile of floating junk. I was drifting around, but I couldn’t get back where I came from. It wasn’t scary, it was just disgusting. Well after this I woke up, so never found a solution.

Crazy huh?

Travel

Today I traveled home. I decided to travel with train. Worst decision of the week. It takes 40 minutes longer then bus, and it even had trouble so we were waiting for an extra 30 minutes. I could handle it. Although I was so tired I couldn’t sleep. First I watched the latest Criminal minds show. It was good about internet, and community sites. Just when I started a blog one of my favorite show, presents an episode about community sites. :P It was funny. After when my laptop batteries died, I read a little bit, then eventually fell asleep for a little.

The thing why I was a little bit said about that I had to wait 30 minutes, is the miss of a phone number. Is it ever occurred to any of you that, when you got unexpected time to spend, you reach for your phone, and try to call somebody, that you would like to hear or see? Now this was with me, I grabbed my phone, then I realized, nobody to call. There is the girl I talked about, but that’s the thing, I don’t have her phone number yet. I didn’t wanted to ask for it, I didn’t wanted to look like, I want to harass her. So that was my way home. :)

I don’t know why I’m writing all this thing down it is just good, to put it somewhere where I can look it up, even if nobody is watching it. I didn’t tell about my blog only 3 person knows I have it. And the page set up looks good :P

Privacy policy

(This section is just to be official, and I feel like I have to say about it a few word.)

Most of the things you find on this blog is a creation of my mind. Don’t steal it! If you like it, and want to post it somewhere else, mention my blog as a source.

Everything else, what is not created by me, the origin is either shown, or free to use, like Latin phrases.

Determination

Faith really exists! It exists, but it is very tricky, and cunning. Our life from birth is determined. Do you doubt my words, young one? Let me show you an example. Here is a pear and an apple. Pick one! You think, yes this is your chose, your decision; you control your own faith. But give it a thought! Why did you choose the apple? Because you like it more. Everybody have different taste. This is written in you. You carry it within yourself from your birth. This controls your decision. This is why your faith is written. But let’s see this again! Apple or pear? Of course! Oh you naïve child. You think you can fool faith?! Of course you picked the pear. Defiance and forever lasting denial is also part of yours. Admit it! Whatever you chose, is inherited from your nature, which is developed within you since you were born. This is how we humans are, captives of our own, and a victim of our nature.

A day offline

Thursday, was yesterday. Yes When I’m writing this, it is 1.30 am where I live. Thursday was yesterday and passed, without me on the net. Not even a glance. Every time, when I’m not available such a long time, I worried to come on line again, because there are going to be so many things to check :S . But after I finally finished all my homework, so I can turn them till noon, I came online. The best thing awaited me. Two at once. The girl I was talking about, left me an msn message at 13.49 asking me where am I. She missed me. It feels so good :) that somebody missed me after a half day. And then I went on facebook, and I got a mail, from another girl, who I care about. She checked my blog, (It made me happy) and she read about the first girl, and she said she felt little bit jealous (made me even happier). Although I know she can’t be more then friend to me, this is something, that is good to hear.

So I’m telling you, hard work always gets its prize :). And I’m not only talking about getting the homework done in time…

A bad day

I don't know yet, how much of my personal life I’m going to share here. But right now I had a bad day so I thought I might write a few things about it. Today, I give up two of my classes on the university. It doesn’t have too much effect of the future, because I can do it next year but still, it makes me feel awful. I couldn’t finish my homework in time. Sometimes the waves just clash above your head. If you don’t have anything to hang onto you drown. That’s what happened to me. I left these home works to the very last moment, and I couldn’t finish. I know it is all my fault. Shit happens ain’t it?

(Oh yeah, I love rednecks :) )

Anyway, not too much interesting thing happened to me recently. Maybe just one mentionable thing, that occupies my mind. Of course it is a girl. I started to talk to her a few month ago on msn. I know here a few years back, but we never had the chance to get to know each other back then. Now she is far, but we start to like each other. At least I started to like her :). We even settled a date to the summer when she comes to town. I don’t know what she might think about me, but this is kind of comforting right now, just to talk to her day by day, sweet talk with her and stuff. It makes me calm, and gives a propose to my day.

Well enough of the love stories for now :) I won’t write of that too much. I’m not like that.

Carpe diem!

Why would you try to accumulate a huge fortune, when you won’t have time to spend while chasing the money?

Why would you try to sum up as much knowledge as you can, if it only bears weight, and will be lost with you, when you die?

Why would you try to accomplish great things, and achieve great strength, when it going to perish with the mist of time?

Although it is hard to live for the day, when fame, fortune and success is so beckoning.

Without intention, we seek to create something solid. Either way, we can’t break the chains which pulls, us into our future.

Because, the tomorrow will come, and if we lived for the yesterday, we become dead for today.

Because, everything we do have an effect to the future, which shouldn’t be matter how forms out, death is going to be the same every time, at the end.

Live for the happiest of time only, and make these the way you imagined. Those hope the tomorrow will bring their happiness, and fights, suffers, and sweats for that day to come, are dead, only don’t know yet. Because the yesterday passed, today is treasure, and tomorrow will never come.

Hi there, Reader! Introduction

This blog was created, to provide a place, where I can write down all my crazy ideas, stories, and thoughts. I don’t have a clear view about what am I going to write here time by time, but I will write down, everything that I have time for, and what comes in my mind. These things can be about a lot of stuff. I think, if you reading this, this would be a right time to introduce myself.

Let’s just call myself Darkknight. Why Darkknight? This name was created by me, about 7 years ago, so it is not based on Batman. Actually this is based on a computer game character. About that maybe later on in one of my entries. I chose this name, because it fits me. With most of the people, I like to be mean, and act like a jerk. It is funny, to outsmart them, and hurt them without cursing, and don’t give them a chance to fight back. I don’t express too much feelings either. I don’t like feelings. They makes you look vulnerable. Don’t think I don’t have feelings. Actually I have too much of them. And sometimes I show it to some person, if I want them, to feel the way I feel.

So like I said you probably gone read about my feelings, and cruelties I have done, to peoples. But I also like a lot of other things. For example fantasy, sci-fi, and war, computer games. I like to write stories, about these topics, so I might write a few here to day by day.

Sometimes I have weird dreams. I like to share those too. I believe that, when you are in the Alfa phase of sleeping, the mind extends it limits, and lets you see things, like you haven’t be able to see when you were awoke. This state of mind, is a simpler, more edged out phase, of existence. Everything is good or bad, white or black. I like to write about it. When I go to sleep I also like to think about unsolved questions. Sometimes I find rather interesting solutions for some things. I will share that to my readers.

Well this is it about my first blog entry. Where I live it is 1.35 am right now, and I’m going to sleep. If I caught your attention, come back later!